Moving From Discovery To Recovery

Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth.  And his disciples asked Him, saying, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents , that he was born blind?"   Jesus answered, "neither this man nor his parents sinned, but the works of God should be revealed in Him." John 1:1-3

Yesterday began a really important chapter in my ongoing health saga.   With the beginning of chemotherapy I moved from 2 months of discovery (trying to find out what was wrong with me) to recovery, (as I finally begin the process of dealing with this cancer).   If all goes well the treatment will go about 2 months total, so if that's the case I'm at the half way point!   Yesterday everything went smooth.  No nausea last night (praise God for that) I did have some acid reflux which made sleeping uncomfortable but that was the only side effect!  I also showed about a 5 pound weight gain (back over 160 again) I'm sure that was all the fluids they gave me yesterday but I'll take it!   There are some breaks in between but I am currently scheduled for 21 days of chemo, so after today I'll be 2 days down and 19 to go.   By this coming Monday I'll be 1/3 of the way through!   I asked the nurse today how soon I should shave my head, she said when the hair starts coming out, she said that could be this week, if not next.   So prepare to see a shiny noggin next time you see me!   The doctor did tell me yesterday that I should be able to start eating solid foods next week!  Not sure i'll be able to eat cheesburgers and pizza yet (we're checking with the nutritionist on that) but I am starting to see them in my near future!

I have thought a lot about the question that we are often told not to ask God is "why?"  That is the question posed by the disciples in John 9 about the blind man born blind.  Sometimes "why" is an appropriate question to ask, "why did I have a wreck?" "Because you were driving too fast on a wet road".  Asking why in those situations where there is a clear cause and effect can be helpful to avoid the same thing happening again.   But... when random sickness, out of the blue devastating accidents, sudden loss of a family member, the "why" question can be very problematic.  We often know the answer to that better in retrospect than we do walking through it.   I have absolutely NO idea why at 47 years old I have been diagnosed and am having treatment for a type of cancer much more common for men in their 20's.  The 3 oncology doctors I have talked to don't know why, and even if there was a "why" chances are there would be nothing I could have done to prevent it.    I certainly don't want to go down the road of the disciples in John 9 and start looking for someone to accuse and I'm not looking to heap guilt on myself either.   I believe the best answer in these situations is the answer that Jesus gave, "that the works of God may be revealed" in me.   If you read on through the chapter you'll see that Jesus healed him of his blindness but he became such a vocal supporter of Jesus that the religious leaders rejected him.   So sad, but he was happy because he had received his sight!!

I do believe with all my heart that through whatever suffering we face in this life God is good & is working all things for our good, He is with us in the boat while the storm rages, & one way or another we have resurrection in our future.   In the meantime rather than asking "why this has happened" I believe a better question is "how can God reveal His works through me in this"?   I have, and will come in contact with more people I don't already know, how can God touch them through me?   I can share my journey and hopefully encourage those I love to trust Him in their storms, I can celebrate the good days and trust Him in the hard ones, allowing Him to give me strength when I am weak.    I don't have any of this figured out and I don't want you to think that I do, but I just know God wants to use our mountains and our valleys for His glory.   I'm willing to be a tool in His hand for that.

I pray you have a great day today and if you are struggling with anything in your life ask God "how can God reveal His works in me?"  That may change your perspective and allow you to bring life and hope to someone else.

Thank you ALL for your love and prayers.  I need you!