The Long Journey

"Then as he lay and slept under a broom tree, suddenly an angel touched him, and said to him, "Arise and eat."  Then he looked and there by his head was a cake baked on coals, and a jar of water.  So he ate and drank, and lay down again.   And the angel of the Lord came back the second time, and touched him, and said, "arise and eat because the journey is too great for you" I Kings 15:5-7

I have had lots of different thoughts as to what to write my blog about this week as it has been an interesting one of downs and ups.    I remain positive about my journey but I think it is good to share the frustration and disappointment as well.   I began the week watching our church service from home... again.  Wanting so much to be with my congregation but really not sure what my body was doing and what I could handle.  Turned out I was right to do so because after my chemo treatment on Monday I fell into chills and a fever of 102.   My oncologist wanted me to get checked out to the hospital, so down I went not expecting a 4 hour wait followed by another 4 hours of examination.  Resulting diagnosis was that I had a mild case of pneumonia, with an antibiotic required for 10 days.   The affect from that is that my port (which was scheduled to be placed on Tuesday) was delayed for 10 days and so is my next chemo treatment.  So one fever, caused an 8 hour stint in the emergency room and a 1 1/2 week delay to my treatment.    Monday was a bad day.    I think it finally sank in that day that this is not going to be short journey and knowing what to expect is very much day by day.   Matthew 6:34 says "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it's own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble". I have found this to be very true this week.   I felt a little lost on Monday and discouraged realizing that what I thought was another 8 weeks of treatment had just turned into another 9 and if I were to get a temperature again it could be delayed further!   The verse quoted at the top of this blog came to mind when the Angel visited Elijah and fed him, telling him that "the journey was too great" for him.     I felt that on Monday.   As I said on a previous blog I am a scheduler and a planner, so living day by day is very hard for me although according to Jesus that is the best way to live!   This is a long journey and I am just now learning to surrender to the day by day and still trust God that He will sustain me.  The thing that many don't realize is that this journey didn't start a couple of weeks ago.  It started back in early January when I began to have stomach trouble and start losing weight (down about 45 pounds to this point).  The journey has already been long and it will be longer still.  However, I know this journey is going to change me forever and I want it to be for the good, so if I must learn to "be still and know that He is God" Ps. 46:10 then with God's strength I will do so.

I have also been reminded this week that this did not catch God by surprise.    When I said yes to His call to pastor Calvary Church I felt Him clearly say to commit to at least 10 years.  Well... this past weekend we celebrated my 10 year anniversary.  I am not moving on from the church but for the time being I am absent and others are doing the ministry, that was completely unexpected.    Also, at the beginning of this year I shared a vision for our church called "resurrecting Resurrection Day" praying among other things that we would have a great Easter Sunday (which we did).  I said then that I couldn't see beyond Easter Sunday for God's direction for the church.   I had no idea that Easter Sunday was the last Sunday I would be present for a few weeks while someone else did the pulpit ministry!   God knew what was coming.   I didn't and don't.    The journey is too great for me, but I knowing that He knows what is coming gives me hope that He has the sustenance I need.

My week did get better after Monday.   Tuesday I felt stronger, my temperature returned to normal and stayed there, and the next day stronger still.   I am finally back eating solid food.   Tuesday I got about 1,200 calories, Wednesday 1,600, and as of the time of this writing I am on track to hit close to 2,000 calories in a day!   That is a HUGE deal and more steps closer to eating Pal's cheeseburgers and Pizza Hut Pizza!   God knew, like the angel with Elijah that I needed "food for the journey" and He has provided it.  For which I am SO grateful.   However, I know that this long journey is going to be marked by good days and bad days and it's impossible to predict ahead of time which day will be which.  So.... I am learning to trust in Him to strengthen me through the tough, disappointing days and celebrate the good days.  Take a day at a time knowing that the journey is long but His strength is sufficient.   I pray in your good and bad days that the Holy Spirit will teach you to do the same and find His "food" to give you what you need to continue on.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. It means so much!  It's my one way to update you as well as share something from God's Word every week.   Please feel free to share this with anyone with the hope that it will bless and encourage them.   God bless.